“Therefore, O ye that embark in the service of God, see that [you] serve Him with all your heart, might, mind, and strength, that [you] may stand blameless before God at the last day.” (D&C 4:2)
When you get your call letter, it tells you “ you are expected to devote all your time and attention to serving the Lord, leaving behind all other personal affairs [including your heart].” At the time I got my call, I didn’t truly understand why I needed to leave my heart back at home. So I brought it with me on the mission, thinking that it wouldn’t be a big deal. I didn’t understand that the feelings in my heart would distract the greatness of the Lord’s work. The Lord had asked me to do something that I didn’t have the desire to do. I didn’t want to give up my heart to the Lord. I had already given Him so much of me, I didn’t understand why I had to give Him my heart too. My heart, I felt, was the only thing that I had left of “me”.
For the first 4 months of my mission, I struggled to give the Lord my heart. I felt weak and, at times, discouraged. At times I thought to myself that maybe someone else could do my job better as a missionary; someone who could actually give their heart to the Lord without a problem, someone who was willing to give it. Who was I to be in His service if I couldn’t do what He had asked me to do a long time ago? These feelings and thoughts burned in my heart. I searched my heart. I asked myself why I was here if I wasn’t willing to give the Lord all He asked of me. My friend sent me a quote that I pondered upon for a while:
“The Lord says to us: Give me all. I don’t want so much of your time, so much of your talents; money; so much of your work; I want you. All of you. I have not come to torment or frustrate the natural man, but to kill it. No half-measures will do. I don’t want to only prune a branch here and another there; rather, I want the whole tree out. Hand it all over to me, the whole outfit, all of your desires, all of your wants; wishes; dreams. Turn them all over to me, give yourself to me and I will make of you a new self in my image. Give me yourself and in exchange I will give you myself. My will shall become your will. My heart shall become your heart.”
I knew that I needed to give the Lord my heart, I just didn’t know how to have the desire to give it all to him. I prayed diligently for a month. I was waiting for my heart to change right away but it didn’t. Instead, I had so many challenges along the way, and I realized that the more I relied upon Him, the more I yearned to humble myself before him. I had the desire to give him my whole heart. I knew that if I became more diligent, humble, faithful, and I do his will, rather than my own, he would bless me for my obedience. He would help me to become what He knew I could become. Even though I didn’t see what He could see in me, I knew that I had to trust Him. I had to give Him my heart, my time, my everything in order for Him to make something great out of me. I finally realized that I need to because I knew that if I didn’t, He couldn’t help me to become something better. Even if that meant sacrificing and giving it to Him, I was willing to do it. Because I know some day He'll give it back in a better condition, and because of it, I will be better. I will become something greater. I will be the person He wants me to be. The person I'm meant to be. Giving your heart may be the hardest thing you have to do on your mission, like it was for me. But as you submit your will and your heart to His, He will make you a new self in His image.
Sister Jenni Johnson
Massachusetts Boston Mission
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